Mr Know-it-all: 2 lessons for being less arrogant

In my first post, My first introduction to myself, I recounted the story of how I learnt how much I still had to learn. Acknowledging that I didn’t know everything was, at first, a little difficult. I used to pride myself on being rather knowledgeable (not trying to be egotistical here).

I like to help others when I can, so I often tried to use my knowledge to this effect. This may have been to inform them of something they didn’t know or to offer them some advice on how they could solve a problem. To those whom I was “helping”, this probably came across as me being a know-it-all (sorry for that, everyone!). Especially if they didn’t ask for my knowledge / advice / opinion!

I now see a few issues with being a know-it-all:

Being a know-it-all made me feel smart, so it probably made others feel stupid.

Correcting someone or telling them what they “should do” made me feel smart because I felt that I had all the answers. If they wanted an answer, that’s fantastic; but if they thought they already had the answer, I’ve just said their wrong. And probably not just said it, but insisted it. Probably with some insinuation that their answer wasn’t just wrong, but stupid.

It shouldn’t have to be about being right or wrong. When two pieces of information conflict, why judge them? Couldn’t we just state the discrepancy and if it’s really important to either of us, we can verify it later. More on the pitfalls of being judgemental in my post Learner vs. Judger.

Being a know-it-all made me feel like the centre of attention, so it probably made others feel like I’m not paying attention.

Correcting people made me feel like the centre of attention because I’m right and everyone should be listening to me. When others spoke, I often found myself focusing less on what they were saying and more on whether I could correct them / do things better. This isn’t really listening…

What if, instead of pretending to listen (but really just waiting for an opportunity to impart our knowledge), we actually listened. If we let others speak, we might learn something new. We might also make others feel like the centre of attention. Aren’t they likely to appreciate that more than being corrected?

What have I learnt…

So, I’m trying to be less Mr Know-it-all and more Mr Helpful. If someone asks me for information, advice or my opinion, fantastic! I’ll be happy to offer my understanding, advice or opinion. That means owning my opinions, not presenting them as fact (i.e. using IMHO, but without the bullsh*t factor). If they don’t ask for my input, I will instead:

1. Accept differences without unnecessary judgement
2. Shut-up and listen

Any other suggestions?

Wish me luck! :)